Your life hangs on this one choice

Advertisers have progressed from "viral video" to "meme". Take this latest example, via delvene:

Smart, adaptable, you're able to insinuate yourself into any setting and act like you were born there. Sure, sincerity and honesty aren't your strong points, but you can fake them if the need arises. You might feel a little hollow inside, but with so many friends, who cares?
What's your malfunction?